Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wyoming (307)

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  WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?

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  (307): WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT? http://tfl.nu/38wl
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  Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.

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  (307): Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids. http://tfl.nu/60tn
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  I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe

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  (307): I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe http://tfl.nu/mnt3
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  Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.

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  (307): Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka. http://tfl.nu/40xv
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  this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.

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  (307): this is worse than the time i threw up a condom. http://tfl.nu/98sx
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  These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.

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  (307): These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line. http://tfl.nu/f42j
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  Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.

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  (307): Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory. http://tfl.nu/grsq
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  Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.

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  (307): Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER. http://tfl.nu/f1x9
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  I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.

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  (307): I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA. http://tfl.nu/w3eq
  Replies (5) Good night (1567) Bad night (451)
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  I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.

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  (307): I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it. http://tfl.nu/zamd
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  Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry

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  I'm hurrying

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  Dude. She just shit herself.

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  (307): Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry (1-307): I'm hurrying (307): Dude. She just shit herself. http://tfl.nu/4o8b
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  they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel

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  (307): they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel http://tfl.nu/a8sv
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  And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.

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  (307): And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door. http://tfl.nu/qc62
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  i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.

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  (307): i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl. http://tfl.nu/csya
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  They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.

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  (307): They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting. http://tfl.nu/gm65
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