I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed