Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any