I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
lets start a swedish sibling band together