I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water