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So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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