Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (919)

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.

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  (919): The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out. http://tfl.nu/a3dj
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
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  I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth

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  (919): I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth http://tfl.nu/uiea
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  haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?

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  i cant lie to you.

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  (336): haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal? (919): i cant lie to you. http://tfl.nu/vpro
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  I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.

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  (919): I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three. http://tfl.nu/4nlq
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  There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.

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  (919): There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later. http://tfl.nu/ou2j
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  I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.

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  (919): I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again. http://tfl.nu/8soy
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  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

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  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
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  When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?

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  (919): When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate? http://tfl.nu/ayxt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.

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  hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.

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  my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.

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  (919): um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign. (1-919): hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred. (919): my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted. http://tfl.nu/05eg
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  my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle

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  (919): my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle http://tfl.nu/ki3d
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  if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever

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  (919): if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever http://tfl.nu/s664
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  Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.

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  (919): Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though. http://tfl.nu/v85r
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  If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.

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  (919): If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today. http://tfl.nu/n74k
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  He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.

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  (919): He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say. http://tfl.nu/o436
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