I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO