You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
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