Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.