now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
