I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i need some magic done to my vagina
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.