Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.