And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.