So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on