At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."