He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?