youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...