I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.