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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
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