I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk