I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?