Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (479)

Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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(479): View more from Arkansas

By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.

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(479): By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo. http://tfl.nu/nmdz

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(479): View more from Arkansas

So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.

(307): View more from Wyoming

Haha. Niice.

(479): View more from Arkansas

Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.

(307): View more from Wyoming

both.

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(479): So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack. (307): Haha. Niice. (479): Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered. (307): both. http://tfl.nu/wvm3

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

How have you survived this long?

(479): View more from Arkansas

Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

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(479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8

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(417): View more from Missouri

I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

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(417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?

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(479): Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace? http://tfl.nu/xfzk

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She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.

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(479): She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction. http://tfl.nu/io12

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.

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(479): Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out. http://tfl.nu/6ock

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

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(479): I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/4ovg

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.

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(479): Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops. http://tfl.nu/gg9y

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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.

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(479): You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it. http://tfl.nu/l6w1

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(479): View more from Arkansas

everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow

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(479): everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers (1-479): trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow http://tfl.nu/b3n0

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We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe

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(479): We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe http://tfl.nu/vo7i

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Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

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(479): Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes. http://tfl.nu/b7x1

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.

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(479): Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day. http://tfl.nu/trmx

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That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!

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(479): That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?! http://tfl.nu/832w

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Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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