Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety