dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track