At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.