It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.