eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.