I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic