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we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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