They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts