dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Found the puke drawer
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.