Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.