I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.