I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.