She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-