He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.