I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home