I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home