I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm getting married
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina