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Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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