Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.