I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Found the puke drawer