so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.