think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.