There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour