I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.