We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.