Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.