We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.