You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.