Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.