He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.