he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!