And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits