I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers