It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.