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Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
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