She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.