Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography