Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
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it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again