I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!