I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.