I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.