Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (714)

Last Night in California (714)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

Favorite
(714): View more from California

I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

(949): View more from California

Midgetier?

(714): View more from California

Smaller, yet meaner.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w

Replies (12) Good night (3798) Bad night (634)
Favorite
(714): View more from California

the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that? http://tfl.nu/e4u9

Replies (19) Good night (2581) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.

(1-714): View more from California

If he was naked that was me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed. (1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y

Replies (10) Good night (4615) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume. http://tfl.nu/yo6q

Replies (16) Good night (571) Bad night (2773) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night. http://tfl.nu/euw3

Replies (16) Good night (553) Bad night (2687)
Favorite
(714): View more from California

I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year. http://tfl.nu/qsqv

Replies (9) Good night (2053) Bad night (1422)
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare. http://tfl.nu/8fck

Replies (1) Good night (1187) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): It's a self-perpetuating puke chain. http://tfl.nu/kvdz

Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xpcu

Replies (8) Good night (2412) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse. http://tfl.nu/v3q7

Replies (8) Good night (894) Bad night (1990) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner. http://tfl.nu/auiz

Replies (5) Good night (4660) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast. http://tfl.nu/a05x

Replies (9) Good night (3173) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you http://tfl.nu/axuo

Replies (3) Good night (944) Bad night (1953) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works. http://tfl.nu/2moz

Replies (10) Good night (1914) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash. http://tfl.nu/gnlc

Replies (7) Good night (537) Bad night (2457) Order T-Shirt

Last Night in California (714)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: