I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.