Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (714)

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  (714): View more from California

  I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!

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  (714): I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!! http://tfl.nu/1fo4
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  You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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  (714): You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue! http://tfl.nu/dw09
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  I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.

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  (714): I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart. http://tfl.nu/nyq8
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  Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?

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  (714): Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit? http://tfl.nu/0nii
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  Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.

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  (714): Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/kmrp
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  They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.

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  (714): They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost. http://tfl.nu/dynq
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  I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?

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  (714): I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/9wpk
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  sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!

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  (714): sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER! http://tfl.nu/av7d
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  I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again

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  (714): I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again http://tfl.nu/ze4i
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  The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.

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  (714): The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet. http://tfl.nu/xgey
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  He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

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  (714): He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE. http://tfl.nu/67b2
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  She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.

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  (714): She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/p2v7
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  She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.

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  (714): She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View. http://tfl.nu/be63
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  The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!

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  (714): The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to! http://tfl.nu/8lua
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  Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck you.

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  (714): Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon (310): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/u7vm
  Replies (6) Good night (1971) Bad night (397)