I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.