Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing