this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(