Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.