Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love having hate sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.