Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I love having hate sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends