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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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