His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.