I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.