I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink