Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...

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  (609): im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school... http://tfl.nu/h356
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  These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY

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  (609): These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY http://tfl.nu/f90k
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  She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .

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  (609): She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . . http://tfl.nu/b8fc
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  I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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  (609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1
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  I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.

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  (609): I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt. http://tfl.nu/9dqv
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  Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.

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  (609): Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there. http://tfl.nu/x13b
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  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

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  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
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  We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.

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  (609): We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada. http://tfl.nu/0b9c
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  He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.

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  (609): He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place. http://tfl.nu/k1hb
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  What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?

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  (609): What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion? http://tfl.nu/x6xu
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  I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.

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  (609): I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak. http://tfl.nu/euel
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  You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.

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  (609): You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line. http://tfl.nu/s6mt
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  why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?

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  (609): why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs? http://tfl.nu/z5vs
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  Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?

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  (609): Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do? http://tfl.nu/p111
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  Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass

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  (609): Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass http://tfl.nu/qqts
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