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just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I haven't been this sober since birth.
People in love make me want to vomit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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